Don’t get me wrong. We moved to a beautiful place. Louisville, CO, and nearby Boulder, are lovely, enchanting. We knew we needed to try something different in this quest to find “home,” because San Diego, while another fabulous place, didn’t feel quite right. We need to see if somewhere else is the “home” we crave. We recognized from the beginning that there was a possibility that we’d leave San Diego and realize – she’s the one for us. Whoops.
Like the song says, “You only know you love her when you let her go.” I knew I was fond of San Diego. We had a history. She’s beautiful, fun, exciting. She has a lot going for her. Now that I’ve moved, I miss the things I knew I would miss, but there are so many things, often little things, that I now realize she had that I just didn’t appreciate.
We’re settled in here in Colorado, and I think it’s hitting all of us that we’re here to stay rather than on an extended vacation. It hit me so hard I’ve cried every day for the last week. Especially when my daughter said this: “Mommy, I want to go back to San Diego. I miss my French school. Can we put it on a really big truck with all my teachers and my friends and move it here?”
But that’s not the way life works.
An image of a place in San Diego will pop into my mind, sometimes so vivid I almost feel I’m there, and I’ll think to myself, “we should go to Spiro’s Gyros and sit on the patio where we can watch the boats in the bay,” or, “maybe I’ll see so-and-so today when I drop my daughter off at school,” then it will hit me – I’m not in San Diego anymore. A sense of longing and a sense of loss bombards me.
Here’s what I remind myself: We have embarked on a great adventure. We’ll only be better for it. We’ve landed in a beautiful place, we have good friends here, and we need (read, I need) to remain optimistic and positive and give Colorado a true chance. If I sit here and cry that I’m not in San Diego anymore, I’ll ruin all these gorgeous sunny days where I could be exploring this beautiful, dynamic place I’ve landed in. She’s no slouch, Colorado. There’s a lot to love.
But, still, Opera, I really miss you.
Optimism. The double rainbow we saw out our hotel window the morning we left San Diego:
I live in NH, and we desperately want to live in San Diego. Every time we leave we cry. SD is the only place I have ever felt I was “home”…
It is a special place, for sure. Interesting how “home” can vary so much among different people!
Definitely. For me, home is a feeling, and it is brought on by a place… that place being San Diego. ha ha… I know you’re having a hard time right now, but the good thing is you can always return there. 🙂
True. Thank you!
I’m sad to hear you were crying all week about my little town! I feel guilty actually because I grew up here and I feel the same sadness, but about Chicago!! I lived there for 12 years and came home to San Diego again (8 years ago) only to find that I love Chicago too. I wish I could have it both ways…
So do I, so do I.
My nieces have had to move house and change schools a few times because Dad is in the army. On the whole they’ve coped well – children are surprisingly adaptable even when a change must seem like a huge one in the context of a short life. One of them has had a few wobbly moments recently, but I plan to reassure her that at least all the places she’s lived in have been nice places!
A point that I am reminding myself of, too. I’ve gotten to live in some great places!